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Monthly Archives: February 2009

Chilling Out.

I recently enlightened myself by ramming my skull into Novia`s crotch for about 12 hours straight. Now that I`m covered in the sweet stench of Novia-cream and Montoro-droppings, I see myself limping around Topolo without a care in the world. I`m content, happy and excited to play relatively-normal GE. GE unhindered by the next boss, but simply blocked by a lack of gear and levels. Ahh.

Sorry for the lack of blogging enthusiasm lately. Playing GE got fun and blog-posting became half a chore. New material is somewhat difficult to come up with now that I’m a little less assinine.

… Scratch that, here’s a picture. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by on February 18, 2009 in Granado Espada

 

Started Novia.

I was originally planning to jump and cheer about finishing the Bahamas, but I steam-rolled right into Novia and now every sensation of glee has turned to bitter angst. It’s 12:43. Novia is just as hard as my faction-mate has been saying.

I know how to beat her, that’s easy enough. Get good gear, drink lots of expensive roids, kill her. Whenever I see videos of her getting solo’d or triple-musked, I’m not impressed nor am I educated in the process of kicking her ass. If you’re sitting there, firing away and not microing your fingers into bloody stubs, then you’re clearly well-prepared for the task. Hell, I know the alternate method: Drink invis pots and make Novia dead without ever seeing my infamous family name. Problem? DPS is miserably low. I can’t kill her in the window of time that is alloted via invis-juice. It is one of the more frustrating portions of GE.

This situation is where most people quit. Upon realizing that their gear is crap, the average player is quick to discover that their ability to make money is completely hosed by an inability to progress in gear, quests or whatever because of the market situation. Even as an avid and active puppeteer of the market, there’s very little in hopes for buying anything without feeling exceptional seller’s remorse. Right now, I’m stuck. I have no assets that sell particularily well, and I am very reluctant to rely specifically on the cash-shop for vis.

The fix? Renting. Really, this is the only feasible way a small faction with a weak armory can handle quests like these. Hopefully I’ll be able to persuade a couple folks to let me borrow their gear for an hour or so in order to wax Novia. I’m not quite sure how it’ll benefit the contributor, but I’m not above oral. . . Over the tubes. Har har.

Anyway, this post was created specifically to exhaust myself before retiring to bed. I feel the roiling bubble of acid squirm in my stomach. It’s telling me to shut-the-hell-up.

 
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Posted by on February 15, 2009 in Granado Espada

 

The Future of Valentine’s Day.

Today’s not a particularly creative day for me, so whoever reads this post might be sorely disappointed. I’m allowed to have off days.

Across an exceptionally large body of pacifist H20, Valentine’s day is going on. This is the day where all the GE players truly show how desperate they are for nookie, love/respect or just a box of crappy chocolate in their name. Technically, this is about 16-17 hours into the future, and my god, does it look terrible. Another day where Yggdharasil tries to be funny, but ends up spurting out something incomprehensible and unimaginative (I’ll tackle the rest of her article when I get back on the metaphor-tram.) The rest of the vocal community is content with spitting out idiotic platitudes about love, effectively plagiarizing and undermining the value of their creators. If I wanted to know about love, I would’ve google’d it by now. Oh yeah, sex, but that’s natural. We’re all basement-dwellers here, please refrain on jumping on your soap-box and screaming about your date, which is probably the family cat.

As odd as this might seem, this sense of disgust does not stem from loneliness or a lack of vagina. It’s much more shallow than that. A lot of people on my server present themselves like genuine retards, plain and simple. Whenever there’s an event or a holiday, it’s the cognitive equivalent of the Holocaust. Really, this would not be happening if Sword of the New World wasn’t so poorly managed, but it is, so I have to stick with… You guys.

Secretly, I love you all. Granted, my love includes plenty of verbal abuse, but it’s there. You all keep me entertained, excitied and eager to maintain my account in sGE. Even Ygg, who hasn’t given me her pics yet, mind you. Still, I can’t help but feel like I’m taking a lot of crap from you guys. You and your messed up GE economy and inability to offer a goddamn price. The fact that anybody would let me trade a DHR for an ATP clearly shows that sGE is comprised of nothing but stuck-up assholes.

But you know what they say… Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 13, 2009 in Granado Espada

 

Kicking and Screaming – Investigating of the Yggdharasil Scam

Let me set the mood before I dive into this riveting news scoop concerning the events of yesterday.

I’m in my room, colored a sterile white. Behind my screen 22″ screen is a perfect corner and upon my desk a dozen of vanilla cola cans that mask the glued panels of glossy wood texture. I sit, half-hunched, half-slouched in front of my cluttered desk, resembling the gruffness of a 50s detective and the letter Z. My chin is like a toilet brush dipped in black nail polish, my eyes carrying the ocular equivalent of shopping bags. On top of that, I have a job to do. There’s a laptop I was charged with, sitting three feet away, screen bright and clear, slightly angled so I can turn, look then return to GE.

That computer was sick beyond comprehension, but I had the joy of learning that at 10:00 PM. I go to a link, it filters through innumerable search engines then spits out an ugly window filled with advertisements for legit spyware removal software. Brilliantly villainous, yes, using perfectly legitimate sites to scapegoat well-meaning companies, but also infuriating. Nevertheless, I had to eliminate that, and so I tried, but malware nowadays is smart, and any attempts at executing or installing working anti-spyware was being thwarted by a wretched directory. Most programs hung like men after too many missed guesses, their as erections, ironically, stiff with death.

I was about to be like those men, minus the morbid arrousal, too if it weren’t for GE. Thank the heavens for a game that doesn’t require every drop of your attention to maintain with a community that produces some of the most bizarre content I’ve ever laid my eyes upon. It all began with… Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 11, 2009 in Granado Espada

 

Forgotten Territory – PlayGE wiki/Surviving the Grind.

I’ve always hated poorly written guides. People who engage in the practice of writing incomprehensible crap and labeling it a guide need to have their fingers severed. If necessary, I’ll devote a section of the blogspace to pointing that out, but I’m trusting that the readers of this blog know exactly what I’m talking about.

Luckily, there’s a bastion of good instruction and organization. While it might not be the pinnacle of informational design, I find this particular wiki’s cleanliness and concise form to be an extremely refreshing sight.

playgetag

HEY, I DON'T SUCK

You know how grimy pirates love the sweet aroma of otite perfume? (Which probably smells like corpses, cornfields and vintage Vespanolan vag00, mind you.) Yeah, if my eyes had smell sensors, I’d be humping this wiki’s leg faster than you can say “Advice-giving rainbow-dog.” Although it has less content, PlayGE gets to the damn point and doesn’t have its zippers undone. Kudos to those who contribute and maintain this wiki. I wish people would follow the examples set inside of this space.

Next topic – Grinding.

I’m spending my time writing and leveling Brunie to veteran. Granted, it’s a lot easier with a vet Adelina da’ Pirate and an Emilia da’ Sage, but it still grates my patience. After all, playing GE is pretty damn good training for a rent-a-cop job. Staring at a screen, watching people do their thing, hoping desperately for the hours to tick by faster. Who said GE wasn’t practical? I sure didn’t, because if I did, I’d be so wrong. So, I’ve decided to think of ways that would effectively take the tedium away from the activity. It turns out it’s pretty easy.

  • Screw Around with Poses – If you’re bored, you probably have it easy. Use poses, try to perform an orgy with the variety of skeletons in Skullic. . . NAKED.
  • Complain on Forums – You can blame IAH for everything. XP too slow? Their fault. Your girlfriend had your best friend’s baby, their fault. Go crazy.
  • Start a Blog – Trust me, this’ll eat up so much time, you’ll be begging for freedom from it.
  • Do Something Productive – This, of course, automatically causes your dudes to run into the closest area boss and die.

Me? All of the above, but unlike most people, I power-level with balls. ROCK-SOLID BALLS. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 10, 2009 in Granado Espada

 

Conspirator’s Corner: Hrin’s Photobucket.

So, I had a conversation with an anonymous friend and he told me a very interesting nugget of knowledge regarding Hrin’s photobucket.

Oh my.

Oh my.

Creepy much? I thought so. I know, I know, there was a blood drive event, although one could propose a potential vampiric connection. I’m sure there’s plenty of people that would give up a variety of their veins for the sake of sating Hrin’s unquenchable thirst for human sanguine. Thousands of fanboys, and the occasional fangirl, lining up to Hrin’s laboratory where she extracts the very thing that gives us our life, then discards them. Luckily, you don’t need much to play GE.

Nevertheless, there’s worse ahead.

ohno

I’m usually unphased by things of a bizarre nature (hence my name), but pictures of pets in labor was the last thing I expected to be in Hrin’s black box. I mean, she’s a nice community manager with a respectable blog, but at what cost? What kind of sick, depraved creature maintains a picture of a whelping hound? I could ramble on about the possibilites, but luckily, there’s one incriminating clue… Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 10, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

In-Game Tech Support.

notbadadelinasbooty

So it apparently exists. Adelina’s Booty was broken, and now, it is magically fixed. I just witnessed it. It was quite cool, actually. Oddly enough, one discovery lead to the next and I managed to get in contact with Valificent to witness… Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 9, 2009 in Granado Espada

 

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